Rustic Relaxation Gifts

Redneck Jacuzzi

"Ironically, this is the living room."

A Good Batch.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

'Oh, rustic used to mean 'no indoor plumbing', but now it means, 'No computers'!'

Country farmhouse loaf / Inner city highrise loaf.

"The new house is almost ready!"

Before pagers,mobile phones and the internet.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

The Near Outback: Lenny and Samantha

'I really don't care about your work/life balance.'

"Harry, you're beginning to go to seed!"

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"Colin's relaxation classes seem to have worked."

What do you tell someone who asks you what kind of work you do?

The Rudges' peaceful home

'I'm still stressed out.'

Early American Think tank

Hungry Panda Thirsty Hippo Curious Sloth

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

Rustic Campgrounds.

Rustic Camping: No Water, Electric or Wi-Fi

'Did you remember to lock the house?'

Early American Think Tank.

"Don't worry about me. I'm the late bird."

"I think I'll sleep in tonight!"

'The paper screwed up the ad. It read 'Wanted: Hired Gun' rather than 'hired man'.'

'We like to welcome new team members with three cheers and a wet towel.'

"By God, you're right. This is a three day weekend."

"Done already? Wow!" "Yup, a new record. Just under two years."

'Oh, how utterly romantic! A hunter rug in front of the fireplace!'

A pair of yoga instructors use beds of nails on the beach.

Skunk to psychologist: 'It doesn't do me any good to stop and smell the roses.'