Rustic Humor Lover Gifts

Farm notice - Milk Your Own Cow.

'Look I am okay with the nose ring, but the tongue and earrings have to go.'

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Look! No hands!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Crap from the future.

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

The Hammer

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"You are still here."

"Honk if you love me!"

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Sorry, but my car is a hybrid and I wouldn't accept anything less in a husband.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

Anti-inflammation recipes

The Monroe Doctrine

Honest Voting Stickers

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

“It’s the only way we can get him to kiss her.”

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.