Rustic Humor Lover Gifts

I think he must have been in marketing before --- He's all about branding.

Farm notice - Milk Your Own Cow.

'Look I am okay with the nose ring, but the tongue and earrings have to go.'

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"Look! No hands!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Crap from the future.

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"You are still here."

"Honk if you love me!"

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Hammer

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Sorry, but my car is a hybrid and I wouldn't accept anything less in a husband.'

Honest Voting Stickers

The Monroe Doctrine

“It’s the only way we can get him to kiss her.”

'I'm looking for a card that says if I didn't get you this, I'd never hear the end of it.'

'Where Are They Now?'

How About Serving Us For a Change

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

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