Rustic Humor Gifts

A hunter missing his target

"Look! No hands!"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

"I'll have dessert first."

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

The Rural Bidet...

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

A plunger in an outhouse

Tom had considerable emotional baggage.

'If we're to be able to afford a cutting edge IT system then we have to make sacrifices...and you're ours.'

'Would Sir care for a hot towel?'

"I've never trusted cows."

"Leave room for sex."

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

'Debbie, does this mean it's over between you and I?'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

'I hear the boss is taking roping lessons.I wonder what he's going to practice on?'

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

'Hold steady, there girl. I need to open my bottle of cider!'

'The limousine they sent us has flashing lights and a siren.'

"Don't, son – once they cross over into meats, they're out of our jurisdiction."