Rural Traditions Gifts

"We don't have lore. People in rural areas have lore. Here, you're on your own."

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

'Life is great' down on the farm.

A cat has caught a cow which it is dragging through it's cat flap.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Farm Humor.

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

A Highlander Chasing Dogs with a Knife and a Broom.

It’s God’s country, if your God wears camouflage and dips tobacco.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

A man in a car waits for a large herd of cows to cross the road; once they have crossed he finds a cow sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Lamb Noise.

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"They’re real."

I fart more than that!

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

You complete me!

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"I always knew you'd come back."

"Westminster's over, Shep-it's all about possums now."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

"I'm an enigma!"

Farmers' Warnings.

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."