Rural Ringleader Gifts

A Cowpat A cow patting another cow

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

'I guess you might call it a sort of penicillin reaction.'

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

The Pooperrazzi

'Publish or perish doesn't apply to coaching, Yomp - it's recruit, recruit, win, win, win!'

"This is nice. Just you, me, Buster and a landscape by Andrew Wyeth."

"I've got a pulse!"

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

But Restoring Abortion Is Hard

Jesus Seals the Hick...

'It's okay, Larry, I've got this one.'

'I'll be finished with the surgery by 1 o'clock!'

"He's a genius at product placement."

A chicken coop with a loudspeaker on the roof

'I'd like to keep it a boys only club too, but this is HER tree house!'

"Mr Shamani co-ordinates boardroom rituals."

'The health dept. takes a great leap forward.'

'Wake him up. He's the one who started all of this.'

Terrance McWit, Attorney at Law, Last Lawyer for 387 Miles.

'Ok, they want a year's supply of meal, no more shearing, just trimming and our own barn. But until then, this camera and the pictures of your 'date with Daisy' stay with me.'

'Fire straw one!'

"No, sorry. I couldn't possibly take on another one. I'm short-staffed as it is."

"You're not from around here, are you?"

'Take a right at the second hog wallow and a right at the Starbucks and you can't miss it.'

Move over, pardner, you're ridin' in the horsepool lane!

Clown Car Lane: 10 or More

"Is America's heartland what people in flyover states call home?"