Rural Jest Appreciator Pillows

"Oh no. Not the niblets."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

Please Drove Carefully.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'I'm collecting manure for my strawberries.' The woman says, 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all junk mail.

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'Leadership training.'

Twitter that!

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“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"I hope I'm not embarrassing you, Elaine... I guess I've always been a fool for love."

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

Mummy?!

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

'...and then I married the handsome farmer and the two hundred head of dairy cattle.'

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"I like friut flies!"

A cow on a drip.

The Rural Bidet...

Welcome to the urban farm. A bit of country in the city.

The physics of the situation had Jed confused. The cow had merely ambled onto the haystack, so was clearly not a leapt-on Yet at the same time, it clearly was a moo-on.

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

'Why should I be scared? I'm not a crow...'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'I told her not to follow me!'

'Listen, McDonald, either knock off the E-I-E-I-O, or I call the sheriff!'

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'

Shepherd watching sheep on closed circuit TV

'Uh? A female vet?'

'I've become a victim of my own success. I'm starting to crack myself up.'