Running For School Election Pillows

I'm running for student council president, so could you keep quiet about the time that I kissed you last year?

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Elections

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

'Too much for the school run?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Pollster

Hillary Clinton and American politics.

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"We're on track for net zero."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

"Hello there...! I'm your hardworking GOP Congressional Representative. I'm running for re-election and I would appreciate your support..."

'Keep a lid on it!'

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, and this time I mean it!'

'If the following program sounds silly, it's because it's a a paid political announcement....'

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

John Kerry making a speak: 'What'd he say?'

Run-off

Batting practice

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'