Running For Office Pillows

Santa running for office: 'At last, a politician we can trust!'

"That's an excellent prescreened question, but before I give you my stock answer I'd like to try to disarm everyone with a carefully rehearsed joke."

"We may need a clearer message."

The Debate of the Century

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'I agree with your position completely; you can count on my support.'

'Ah, but when I made my campaign promises, I didn't say 'Simon says'!'

"'Fact Checkers?' Are so last year. From now on, we will be known as: Lie Interpreters."

'If the election was held today, would you be surprised?'

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'Now there goes a candidate who wants your vote.'

choosing a new leader is a bit like buying a new car - needs to be easy to steer!

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

'If elected, I promise to keep working on a great bod!'

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Pub has Political Photo Op Area.

"Quick on his feet means if you can't answer a question, run away!

'Actually it's not the first time I've seen a political candidate do that.'

"We're on track for net zero."

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

"Senator, I'd like to ask you about the economy."

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

"Now that we're down to three candidates, we're switching to a 'rock, paper, scissors' format."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Yomp for Senate Hq: 'You're ahead in the polls, but it's mainly with people who NEVER vote!

'My opponent proposes a new world order...I propose to keep us at the top of the food chain.'

"Hi there. I'm governor of a large state somewhere out West, and I'm running for President."

Thanks to my wife for her unstinting Support

''See!? They love me! They really really love me.'

"He's training to start door to door campaigning!"

'Yes, I lighten my hair. But only to be fairer and more accountable to the taxpayers.'

"For your speech - you want the old core values or the new ones?"

"I may run, but first I want to toy with the electorate for a while."