Running For Office Pillows

Santa running for office: 'At last, a politician we can trust!'

"That's an excellent prescreened question, but before I give you my stock answer I'd like to try to disarm everyone with a carefully rehearsed joke."

"We may need a clearer message."

The Debate of the Century

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'I agree with your position completely; you can count on my support.'

'Ah, but when I made my campaign promises, I didn't say 'Simon says'!'

'If the election was held today, would you be surprised?'

'Now there goes a candidate who wants your vote.'

"'Fact Checkers?' Are so last year. From now on, we will be known as: Lie Interpreters."

'I wrote my own speech once. It didn't sound like me at all!'

'Actually it's not the first time I've seen a political candidate do that.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"Hi there. I'm governor of a large state somewhere out West, and I'm running for President."

'My opponent proposes a new world order...I propose to keep us at the top of the food chain.'

"I may run, but first I want to toy with the electorate for a while."

Thanks to my wife for her unstinting Support

"We're on track for net zero."

Yomp for Senate Hq: 'You're ahead in the polls, but it's mainly with people who NEVER vote!

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

'If elected, I promise to keep working on a great bod!'

Remember, Cromwell, it's not the actual number of new jobs created that counts. It's the number of new job announcements.'

'Yes, I lighten my hair. But only to be fairer and more accountable to the taxpayers.'

"Quick on his feet means if you can't answer a question, run away!

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'

"He's training to start door to door campaigning!"

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"Senator, I'd like to ask you about the economy."

"Now that we're down to three candidates, we're switching to a 'rock, paper, scissors' format."

US election 2020 ballot box Trump v Biden

choosing a new leader is a bit like buying a new car - needs to be easy to steer!

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Pub has Political Photo Op Area.

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'