Running For School Office Pillows

Giggling during the debate didn't cost you the election. The mile coming out of your nose cost you the election.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Elections

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

'Too much for the school run?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

Running for Congress

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

"We were running late, so my mom faxed me to school."

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

Pollster

"We're on track for net zero."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'That's a very good question - Are you trying to make trouble?'

John Kerry making a speak: 'What'd he say?'

"Hello there...! I'm your hardworking GOP Congressional Representative. I'm running for re-election and I would appreciate your support..."

"The poll results are in. Our lies are resonating with the public way more than our opponent's lies."

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

'Keep a lid on it!'

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, and this time I mean it!'

'I'm so proud of Trevor for getting an early start on his negative campaign for Student Council.'

Santa running for office: 'At last, a politician we can trust!'

'I agree with your position completely; you can count on my support.'

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'