Political Candidates Pillows

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

'If elected, I promise to stay away from public landmarks which are likely terrorist targets.'

Never mind the next election...

"It was doomed from the start: my 'Honest and Wise' platform had no chance against his weasel words..."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

"I don't like your application."

Elections

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

The Russian Election.

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

George Papandreou.

The Thinker

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

Palin 2012

"I want something in which to vote for Mrs. Luce."

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

Jerry Brown.

"And, if elected, I promise to put more black people in cartoons."

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

Pollster

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

Obama of Oz.

"We're on track for net zero."

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

'That's a very good question - Are you trying to make trouble?'

"The average citizen doesn't have a clue - or why would we keep getting re-elected?"