Running For School Election Gifts

I'm running for student council president, so could you keep quiet about the time that I kissed you last year?

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

Elections

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

'Too much for the school run?'

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

'If elected, I promise to my darndest to keep money in politics.'

"After the election everything will be perfect and I will be able to fly."

'Why should I vote for a two-bit lame-brained nobody, when i could vote for a two-bit lamb-brained somebody with 'name recognition'?'

Running for Congress

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

Pollster

Hillary Clinton and American politics.

I've decided to run for office so I can spend more time away from my family.

"He sounds authentic. That gets my vote."

"We're on track for net zero."

Political Debate, 'I'd like a word with the debate chairman.'

VOTE, 'I'll never lie to you, and this time I mean it!'

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'

'Well, at least he's an honest politician.'

'Keep a lid on it!'

"Hello there...! I'm your hardworking GOP Congressional Representative. I'm running for re-election and I would appreciate your support..."

"The poll results are in. Our lies are resonating with the public way more than our opponent's lies."

John Kerry making a speak: 'What'd he say?'

Run-off

Batting practice

'I like the jib of their cuts.'