Rules Nerd Gifts

'We could have a problem here lads.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'The recession is over, again.'

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Beware of the Legislation

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

Arrest Them Later

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

At last he had found the Regulatory Guidelines.

EU - Constitution

'I don't know what made Ms. Doan think I was running in the hall.'

'I've got it! - We'll call it the SUPERpatriot Act!'

Victim of Sequestration!

"Good news-- people are no longer calling your campaign quixotic."

'I'm feeling down, too - Why don't we pass some feel-good legislation?'

'Building Inspectors During Their Off Hours.'

You're in luck - The 5-second rule is not legally binding. Donuts.

Weapons Ban

'Looks like we've got the best government money can buy.'

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

Defense Spending.

"I don't think you understand how an Easter egg hunt works."

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

Uncle Sam Cutting USAID Strings From Fingers

'Oh for Pete's sake. This ain't nuclear science, gentlemen. I'll read it one more time, but pay attention... 'the infield fly rule is in effect if there is less than two outs and runners on first and second'...'

'Shouldn't take long for your new fitting, Sir.'

The School's new healthy lunch initiative, with it's ban on junk food, turned out to be very lucrative for Stewart.