Rules Aficionado Gifts

Football foul (red card).

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"Mam? What's love juice?"

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

At last he had found the Regulatory Guidelines.

'There really is no need for confusion. Rule 10, section 5, article a, subsection 3, exception 4 quite clearly states ... '

"Keep it 2 metres people!"

'We could have a problem here lads.'

'-and remember,under any circumstances, NO extra time!'

"It may not be a balk, but it's something."

"No Bald Games"

'Oh for Pete's sake. This ain't nuclear science, gentlemen. I'll read it one more time, but pay attention... 'the infield fly rule is in effect if there is less than two outs and runners on first and second'...'

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

'Stan, wait!... Wrong game!'

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

'That does it... Now I'm definitely going to become a lawyer.'

Guest Houses.

Penalty! Fifteen yards for a block in the back.

'Oh, that place...? we shut that down AGES ago!'

'Have you hammered out the new rule book yet?'

"He's got whistleblower written all over him."

Being a stickler for rules, Howard refuses to act until his motion has been seconded.

'Eton Football (Special Report by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)'

'... 'Pickoff'?... No... 'Ground out'? ... No...'

'Great, you can start Monday.. remember, NO BLUE JEANS.'

"I pulled my mask down for five seconds to sip coffee."

'Remember, no hitting below the belt.'

'He likes to keep strict control.'

'Excuse me, sirs, I think the penalty is enforced from the succeeding spot.'

'Underarm. . . underarm!'