Rules Guru Gifts

"Er...Can you remind me of the offside laws officer?"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Sorry, bud. You know the rules... Dibs is dibs."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

"Mam? What's love juice?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

At last he had found the Regulatory Guidelines.

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

Baseball Rules Conference. The actions of this runner are prohibited by the current rules. Next slide, please.

"I'll be happy to give you innovative thinking. What are the guidelines?"

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

Legal? Big-shoed clown prepares to kick field goal.

No hitting below the belt!

'KEEPING UP in practice simply means knowing which drug the FDA has withdrawn.'

"Welcome to the building, Mrs. Bergdorf. We'd like to go over the condo's rules with you."

The new contract will give you much more power over your future...so here are some guidelines as to how you'll be allowed to use it!'

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

'Nice try, Mom! They're pinking shears.'

'-and remember,under any circumstances, NO extra time!'

'We could have a problem here lads.'

'By the time I finish explaining the rules, I've lost 'em.'

Attorneys at law.

"This is Brad. If there's a loophole, he'll find it."

'Oh for Pete's sake. This ain't nuclear science, gentlemen. I'll read it one more time, but pay attention... 'the infield fly rule is in effect if there is less than two outs and runners on first and second'...'

'I'm not here for committing a crime - I'm here for failing to comply with a guideline.'

'I can assure you our x-ray procedures follow very strict health and safety guidelines.'

'That does it... Now I'm definitely going to become a lawyer.'

Guest Houses.

Falls at work.