Rulebook Jester Gifts

'Well, no, I can't seem to find a rule forbidding this, but I still don't think it's legal.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Dog walking Human.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

Dept. for Obfuscation - Out for periodic diurnal replenishment of nutritive substances.

And if the ball is completely unplayable...

"We were unwinding, and Frances come unwound completely."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'That's not what is meant by a free kick.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Honey, my boss moved me upstairs – way upstairs!"

'I'd like to push the envelope, go the extra mile, and think outside the box to facilitate a win-win solution to the over-utilization of buzzwords.'

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

'I'm fairly certain it's, what we call in the medical profession, a 'snake'.'

"He was right, you know - a queen can move as many spaces as she likes."

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Baseball Rules Conference. The actions of this runner are prohibited by the current rules. Next slide, please.

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

"How many surprise witnesses do you have in that little car?"

'This mission-statement is complete gibberish, Hudson. Well done.'