Rule-bending Joker Pillows

"Go ahead and measure him warden, he's within the legal length."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

"Go ahead—unmute yourself."

'George, stop playing with the children.'

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

"See how it feels"

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"Let's see if I understand: your brain can't be upgraded with additional memory, and to make matters even worse, untold thousands of those brain cells die each day?"

Adult Absence Notes.

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

'Lion!'

Hiker's right of way.

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'When you grounded me to my room, you said no TV or computer. You never said I couldn't build my own bike.'

"I'm not fishing, I'm hunting."

"My dog deleted my excuses app."

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

"On this comparison website I can get a thinner you, with more personality and a bushier mustache."

Video Chat with Dad from his new smart phone.

A herd of sheep stand in a field; one sheep is wearing a t-shirt that reads "Staff".

"I'm afraid you've got Sea Monkey pox."

"I studied ancient history while I was out sick. I read the magazines in my doctor's office."

All You Can Eat: Senior Special