Rudeness Humorist Gifts

"Could you make your complaint about poor customer service later?"

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'The first day on the job was not going well for Al...'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

"I've never trusted cows."

"I see so much better after cataract surgery and....wow, you're bald!"

Steak Lovers.

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

Set fazers to 'Wet Fart!'

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

"You boys might as well dig in - this could smolder for days."

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

'Don't worry! They're vegetarian!'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

'Hold steady, there girl. I need to open my bottle of cider!'

'He can ignore you in seven different languages.'

"Hey little buddy, let's team up and save the world...Then we'll have pizza, you ever tried pepperoni pizza?"

'You have the right to remain silent...'

'Are you decent'

"This new poem lacks his usual vindictive sarcasm. It's just a victimless rhyme."