Rubberband Wrangler Gifts

Jenkins took special pride in his new invention, the rubberband-powered runabout.

Distance to avoid contagion

High Riders of the Old West

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

Since we've remodeled, you are no longer here.

You have 10 updates, 6 slow your PC down, 3 look very dodgy, 1 randomly changes all your PC settings!

'Did you want me, boss?'

'Any stunt driving experience other than teaching three teen-agers to drive?'

'Because only men can believe than 1 inch equals a mile.'

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

Woman in hospital: Pick up a leaflet, Pick up a bug.

"He who controls the Internet controls the world."

Haircuts

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Where do you see yourself not getting tenure in seven years?'

"Hello?"

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"He can't bear working on yellow teeth."

"Being a post-doc for thirty years can really screw up your life."

'I wish you'd learn to put the lid on your petri dish, Harry! We came hear with four kids, and now it looks like we've got 20 million!'

Claw machine vaccine.

"Looks like we'll be walking today. The horses are staging a sit in."

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

'I don't hate Mondays -- I FEAR Mondays!'

"Ah-choo." "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"A splinter! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

A snake attempts to wrap a present