Rubber Burner Gifts

"An object of love that you can get inside, totally inside."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

I love Science.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'Decision time. Which bridge to cross and which to burn.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

The covid marshal strikes again...

"I was acquitted."

No petting in the pool!

"Okay, if I can't use my last wish to wish for another three wishes, can I wish that I find another magic lamp?"