Royalty Reimaginer Gifts

Nobility Scooter

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Bubbly

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"Kiss me and I'll turn into a Prince. But I have to be honest with you, if asked about it I'll deny the whole sordid affair!"

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

My horse for a kingdom.

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

To my future King.

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

Princess believes one kiss will turn the crocodile into a handsome Prince.

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"Tell me again, Dad, how you started in the mailroom."

Revised Texts

'I'm writing a poem -- what rhymes with 'hegemony'?'

"...and they lived as happily ever after as they could, while periodically remembering to forgive each other's transgressions and to let go of petty, pent-up resentments."

"I appreciate your offer, but I was really hoping to marry a doctor."

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Alice in Badassland

Under New Management.

Wolf in bed.

Decisions...Decisions.

'Well, you sure got your message across to the people THAT time.'

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

No Smoking in the Castle

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.