Legend Reimaginer Gifts

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

Revised Texts

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Alice in Badassland

Under New Management.

Wolf in bed.

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

'Boy, down there.' 'Yes, Mr. Scrooge.' 'Tell the butcher...to cancel for goose. I just had a visit from the spirit of Veggie Future.'

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

Nobility Scooter

Rapunzel Experiments With Gender Presentation

This is getting waaay too easy...

Lady Cadaver.

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

'For goodness sake, David - you'll never correct that slice in time, try your sling!'

Breaking the stereotype

'Look, Adam! -- The snake gave me some body paint!'

"I wanted a more desirable workstyle."

'And then Sleeping Beauty filed charges against him for sexual harrassment.'

Updating the ending of the 3 Little Pigs: BIG BAD WOLF, INC: Practical Pig, CEO

Snow White and Dave Dee