Classic Story Reimaginer Gifts

Revised Texts

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

Alice in Badassland

Under New Management.

Wolf in bed.

'Boy, down there.' 'Yes, Mr. Scrooge.' 'Tell the butcher...to cancel for goose. I just had a visit from the spirit of Veggie Future.'

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

Nobility Scooter

Cillarella

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

Rapunzel Experiments With Gender Presentation

Cauliflower Red Riding Hood

This is getting waaay too easy...

Dr Jekyll's mother: 'Henry! If you keep pulling that face it'll stick one day!'

Lady Cadaver.

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

Breaking the stereotype

'Look, Adam! -- The snake gave me some body paint!'

Snow White and Dave Dee

'And then Sleeping Beauty filed charges against him for sexual harrassment.'