Storybook Reimaginer Gifts

'Look, Adam! -- The snake gave me some body paint!'

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Rhinemaidens tease Alberich

Through the Looking Glass - Alice Rows the Sheep.

Sleeping Beauty's Wedding

"Tales of the unicorns"

"When Rapunzel let down her hair, did she look ten years younger."

"It's just - this McDonald's closes at midnight."

Unicorn Joust

Greek goddess

The cry rang out. "There's gold in that there castle in the sky!" And the great beanstalk rush of 1849 had begun.

"Horton hears The Who!"

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

Witches' Restaurant.

Alice in Wonderland: Alice, the Mock Turtle and Gryphon.

Rapunzel in a tower of books.

Through the Looking Glass - Alice and the Sheep.

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

Revised Texts

Cosmetic surgeon tells Ugly Duckling: 'Of course, there's a POSSIBILITY that you are a swan, but do you want to take that risk?'

Handsome young prince needs money or a kiss.

"No, it's a unicorn, not a one-point buck."