Fairytale Reimaginer Gifts

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

'And then Sleeping Beauty filed charges against him for sexual harrassment.'

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Shepherd and eurydice

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

'What do you mean, you're tired of the rat race?'

Cygnets from Swan Lake

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

'Are you a good witch or a bad witch?'

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

fairy tales

Fairytale prince and princess

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

Building a gingerbread house

Man sees book flying in the Mystery section.

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Prince imagines Rapunzel but is in fact climbing up a horse's tail.

Damsel takes blackbird pie mix from store shelf.

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

"I don't want to sound desperate, but either you transform me with a kiss or I end up dissected in a ninth-grade science lab."

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

'Maybe next time. I never kiss on a first date.'

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

"I'm saying, sometimes your true love is the hunchback albino troll who's been by your side the whole time."

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

'Sorry, kid. Anything but world peace.'

Revised Texts

'You are the fairest one of all. But let's face it... you're still a dog.'