Historical Reimaginer Gifts

Lady Cadaver.

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

Piracy on a boating lake

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Missing You.

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

'I think they're up to something.'

Goddess

'We will not be disarmed by gun control! We will not be stripped naked and left at the mercy of a tyrannical government!'

"But I use all of them!"

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Gladstone ignoring Russian atrocities not suited to his party's political purposes

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Knight school.

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

"Is it just me or are wagon wheels smaller than they used to be?"

'Well, it isn't all fun and games GUARDING this place, either, you know!'

Mischevious wife with husband in uniform

"God, I hate theme dinners."

Medieval Page Boy