Historical Reimaginer Gifts

Lady Cadaver.

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Piracy on a boating lake

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Missing You.

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'I think they're up to something.'

Goddess

'We will not be disarmed by gun control! We will not be stripped naked and left at the mercy of a tyrannical government!'

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"But I use all of them!"

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Gladstone ignoring Russian atrocities not suited to his party's political purposes

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear

Knight school.

Medieval Page Boy

'Well, it isn't all fun and games GUARDING this place, either, you know!'

Mischevious wife with husband in uniform

'I am prosecuting you for a breach of article 5 of the explosives act, storing black powder in a dangerous manor on unlicensed premises.'

"God, I hate theme dinners."

"Is it just me or are wagon wheels smaller than they used to be?"

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

'It's hard to look intimidating with this feather thing going on.'