Biblical Reimaginer Gifts

'For goodness sake, David - you'll never correct that slice in time, try your sling!'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

"Woulda looked cool with a beer in his hand, though." Michelangelo's cousin, Michelobelo

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

Revised Texts

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Alice in Badassland

Under New Management.

Wolf in bed.

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

"Stop that Moses, it's bath time."

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

Nobility Scooter

"Save the loaves for the other 4,999. I am gluten intolerant."

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

Lady Cadaver.

Rapunzel Experiments With Gender Presentation

The Parting of the Red Maze

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

'Look, Adam! -- The snake gave me some body paint!'

Breaking the stereotype

"I wanted a more desirable workstyle."

"If I had known we'd be this long wandering in the wilderness, I would never have worn these shoes."

'And then Sleeping Beauty filed charges against him for sexual harrassment.'

Updating the ending of the 3 Little Pigs: BIG BAD WOLF, INC: Practical Pig, CEO