Royalty Appreciator Pillows

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

Knight Golfing

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Czarcasm

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

"He's a guard dog."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

The Frog Prince

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

Princess Anne

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

'I screwed up royally!'

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

Jester Surgeon