Royal Tradition Gifts

Best Guards.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"Ours is not a creative clan."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'What clan do you belong to?'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

King George I

'How about a game of cards?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"She wishes to range free!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'The Burrito King.'

TV jester.

Czarcasm

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"I love these old decorations!"