Royal Culture Gifts

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'Now that's an afro!'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

"She wishes to range free!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'The Burrito King.'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

Czarcasm

TV jester.

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"With all due respect, Sire, the Pizza King sends his kindest regards."