Royal Gossip Lover Pillows

"A source close to the Royals tells me that..."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

'She's so put together!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

A little bird told me...

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Every morning the office gossip was cascaded down...

The Unhappy King

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

JET (Part I)

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

Royal Love

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'Vanity, thy name is Maple.'

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"He's a real throwback. He does all his own publicity stunts."

'But, dear -- Lady Godiva is part of my diversity program!'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"She's got money and he's a 'poet'."

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."