Royal Correspondent Pillows

King Charles III's coronation

"...And when he pops them in, you pop them back out again!"

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"It is we."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

Reign Man

"Friend or foe?"

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

The King In The Rain.

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

Sally Jessy Raphael

'A long-awaited government shake-up: A 'ditto-head' will replace a 'yes-man'...A 'croney' will replace an 'insider'...'

"His majesty wants to binge-watch some comedy. Can you whip up 10 hours of new material?"

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

"I think perhaps the Minstrel Show doesn't hit quite the right tone."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

'A whoopee cushion! — I'll bet Karl Rove is behind this somewhere!'

'So what else can you do, besides reign?'

Football Royalty

"Due to the financial state of the kingdom were turning the castle into a Bed & Breakfast & Ransom."

Breaking news

"The good news today is that there is no news."

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"It's from Henry VIII, sire. He's going to be in town and wants to know where the best hook-up spots are."