Royal Critic Pillows

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

No Elgar!

Dating an English Major

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

"Actually, we're all better off when he IS sleeping on the job."

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

'Do you have an appointment?'

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

Smashed harp...

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"