Royal Critic Pillows

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

No Elgar!

Dating an English Major

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"Actually, we're all better off when he IS sleeping on the job."

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

The Music Critic.

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

A singer being criticised

Wow. Worst Tunnel of Love ever.

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"It's a miracle the miners could even find a diamond this small."

'Do you have an appointment?'

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

How long have you let this unhealthy obsession with family and friends interfere with your celebrity-watching?

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

Smashed harp...

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Young Simon Cowell