Routine Renegotiator Gifts

Raymond froze. As he stared into the mirror, he bean to realize the truth about himself. The truth he had been denying for far too long... It had finally happened. He was completely washed up.

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'What if I promise not to look?'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'It must be a risky proposal... legal is running it by their lawyers.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

"I'll abandon my medium-and shorter-range missiles if you'll abandon yours."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

'My motto is 'What happens at this company, stays at this company'. That's why I take your performance and keep your wage.'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

'YOU'RE the hostile - takeover group!?'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

"Could you please refer to this as a merger rather than being in cahoots?"

You need to stay home and study. Mom! It's an educational opportunity

Big Deal/Done Deal.

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

'Our lawyer insists on it as part of our due diligence provision.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"No, no. The contract I signed was of the non-binding kind."

"I appreciate you keeping up with the vernacular of the times, but please refrain from referring to the billion-dollar restructuring as 'The Dealio'."

'See, it's right here in the prenup. Just because I rise, it doesn't necessarily mean I have to shine.'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"