Romantic Renegotiator Gifts

"As long as we've decided to renew our vows. I've come up with a 'Renew-nup'."

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I just called to say I love you, but come to think of it - can I borrow some money?"

"I'll abandon my medium-and shorter-range missiles if you'll abandon yours."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'You know I can never stay mad at you. Get in here, ya big galoot.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

'I think we should also agree not to go to sleep horny.'

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

Valentine's roses $59.99- Feb.15th- $12.99.

"At least have the decency to send her a text to tell her you're not interested."

'According to this pre-nup, if I marry you I have to wait 24 months to upgrade.'

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

"Can't you just say 'Scarlatti' instead of "Scarlatti, of course'?"

"I'm withholding sex until you have sex with me."

"I know we have an arrangement, Gayle. Now I want a rearrangement."

"Flowers? That's so arrogant!"

'I believe in aggressive mergers, Celia...'

'I never kiss on the first date.'

"O.K., let's compromise: First we'll talk about baseball and then we'll talk about our relationship!"

"I promise to listen to you if you promise to shut up!"

"Why do you have to come? Because I went to your Super Bowl, that's why."

"I'll have to get back to you—I'm going into a tunnel."