Relationship Renegotiator Gifts

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"What would I do differently if you had my life to live over again?"

"I know we have an arrangement, Gayle. Now I want a rearrangement."

Boyfriend Checklist

"I can't stand your need to control me. I'm leaving you."

'The relocation package will pay for your divorce if your wife refuses to relocate... and as a bonus, we'll find you a new wife!'

There, there,dear, you don't really think I'm patronising.

"Next time I'm on top"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

"It's my marriage contract. I'm looking for a loophole."

Sorry - not in service...

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

"I love what you've done with him."

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'It must be a risky proposal... legal is running it by their lawyers.'

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

"I'll abandon my medium-and shorter-range missiles if you'll abandon yours."

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

Perhaps a ceasefire is in order. Terms? I will agree not to pummel you for forgetting our anniversary. You will refrain from pursuing the possibility that I, too, have forgotten it. You will, furthermore, massage my feet in penance for denying me a reason to yell at you. Non-negotiable! Got off easy.

"She always gets the upper bunk."

"A see through nighty? God who'd want to see you through that?"

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

Big Deal/Done Deal.