Vow Renegotiator Gifts

'He'll drop the 'honor and obey'... if you'll drop the 'till death do us part'.'

"Good day, madam, according to the terms and conditions of your marriage vows, you are now eligible for a full-husband upgrade."

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Changing Minds

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

'Should-do and shouldn't-do sound a lot alike.'

Overdraft limit.

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'It must be a risky proposal... legal is running it by their lawyers.'

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

'So who gets the apple tree and who gets the fig leaves?' 'The First Prenuptial Agreement.'

"But it will never get better if you picket"

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

'Well, since you put it like that, I suppose we could reduce the price of the property slightly.'

Unison plans strikes

Marriage counsellor with 'Better' and 'Worse' desk trays.

'And do you, Rob, promise to love and cherish Simone, even if she earns more than you do?'

'YOU'RE the hostile - takeover group!?'

Big Deal/Done Deal.

"Could you please refer to this as a merger rather than being in cahoots?"

'Our lawyer insists on it as part of our due diligence provision.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'