Router Whisperer Gifts

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Jack of all trades

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

Fixing the Computer.

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

It was one of those long meetings where we all agree on the destination but insist on giving our own directions.

Man Sitting On Park Bench Feeding Batteries To Drones.

'Sodding Sat Nav.'

Cellular Plan

Plug Me In Stupid

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" The hot video game where you're a peacemaker who disarms everyone in sight and sells them on the virtues of nonviolent communication.

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

Alternative Accountants

Office full of computers and wires.

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

Here lays Harvey Schmidlip, perhaps best known for his invention of the speed bump.

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'How much is six times seven? -- Who am I to say?'

'Replaced by analytical software. I should have seen it coming.