Network Whisperer Gifts

"You need to disconnect for awhile and unwind."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

Jack of all trades

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"Aw, Johnny... Why did you have to go and change... You've mutated!"

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

"Peterson should be sure to win the Nobel Prize! He has proven that the mutated Coronavirus also mutates laboratory rats!"

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

we wanted to get rid of all the 'superbugs' but they were the only one's who understood the new it system

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Plug Me In Stupid

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

"You've heard of that new virus that's been going around? It's me!"

Alternative Accountants

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

Office full of computers and wires.

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."