Router Whisperer Pillows

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Jack of all trades

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

Fixing the Computer.

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

It was one of those long meetings where we all agree on the destination but insist on giving our own directions.

"Come off it, you're not working from dawn till dusk: You're working at dawn and at dusk..."

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"Your first job is to learn to recognize your boss' voice on the phone."

'Sodding Sat Nav.'

Cellular Plan

Plug Me In Stupid

Man Sitting On Park Bench Feeding Batteries To Drones.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" The hot video game where you're a peacemaker who disarms everyone in sight and sells them on the virtues of nonviolent communication.

'Noise? When you've been married as long as I have, it goes in one ear and out the other.'

'He's had too much exposure to wi-fi.'

Here lays Harvey Schmidlip, perhaps best known for his invention of the speed bump.

Alternative Accountants

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"I keep getting the feeling I’m being watched."

Office full of computers and wires.

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

'Replaced by analytical software. I should have seen it coming.

'How much is six times seven? -- Who am I to say?'

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!