Irs Whisperer Pillows

'Don't worry about a thing. Your taxes are too complicated for anyone to figure out.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Computer help.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Look, the numbers don't lie."

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

We don't want statistics that reflect the actual market situation. We want statistics that reflect what was decided in this boardroom!

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

Office full of computers and wires.

Alternative Accountants

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

"Yeah, I've been radio-tagged by scientists, so once a week, out of spite, I do something irrational just to mess up their data..."

"You got my text... but did you get my subtext?"

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

'Good morning, This is receptionist Susan, portal to the boss.'

What the numbers are telling us

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!

'Replaced by analytical software. I should have seen it coming.

Right brain accounting.