Number Whisperer Pillows

Break Glass in Emergency.

"Joan, I need you to prepare an objective analysis proving I'm correct."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"The numbers don't lie, but we can fix that."

"What separates the expert from a normal accountant is the ability to make simple things utterly incomprehensible."

'Take this and have a masseuse massage the numbers until they fit into out proposed profit projections.'

'Hello, Smudgekins and Smollet, creative accountants, how may I help you?'

'I've been rich and I've been poor...And I've had accountants who could show me as either.'

'Psst! Corporate accounting?'

'...and that is my philosophy.'

Psychiatrist interview an irrational number

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

"Maybe next year you'll get your return in on time..."

"The accountant is here to see you Mr Smith."

"I've uploaded dozens of subsets of data and analysed a myriad of factors. I'm 98% certain the answer is 56. . . Now we just need to work out the question."

'I don't know...I've got a strange feeling!'

'Replaced by analytical software. I should have seen it coming.

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

The Loophole

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

"The accountant is here to see you."

What the numbers are telling us

"Sixth set of winning numbers that bloke's had in as many weeks..."

I don't think we need to resort to medication to help your insomnia...An hour with my accountant should do the trick...Accountancy doesn't NEED to be DULL!

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

Alternative Accountants

Right brain accounting.

'How much is six times seven? -- Who am I to say?'

'Are we sliding, drifting, falling or just collapsing?'

"We ran the numbers on how climate change will affect economic growth, but the numbers got so spooked they just kept running."

The kid who learnt about math on the street

"Look, the numbers don't lie."