Server Whisperer Gifts

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

Plug Me In Stupid

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Fixing the Computer.

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

Computer help.

Man and Machine snoozing

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Love your feng shui!"

"I'm really great thanks. The boss loves my ideas, he says I'm ahead of my time!" "Hi John, how are you? Good meeting?"

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"Can you help me? I'm having a little trouble working the shredder."

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"Just got back from the client meeting and great news. . . your work isn't dead. It's beaten senseless and run over by a dump truck...but still very much alive."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

The Complete Cycle.

"Finally, a co-worker who CAN handle Big data!"

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

Cellular Plan

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'