Rookie Parent Gifts

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"He's got no idea how to run a Husky team."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

"Heck of a shot, son, but that's not a deer."

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

"Just great...on my first day on the job."

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'Right lad. This is your first night on the beat. I want you to walk through the graveyard without whistling.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'Hey, rookie! Go chase that guy!'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Cloud Hang

"I made him the wrong coffee, so I hit control Z, but it didn't work. Maybe I should just make him a new coffee."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Why are you a Yankees fan? Purple pinstripes are WAY better than blue ones. Go Rockies! See ya in the series this year! -Love, prettyinpurple. *(Actual reader letter) Ask Sadie at rudy@rudypark.com. Why do I like the Yankees, Rudy? Dunno. Why do I like Cuban cigars, 100-year-old port, John Wayne, Albert Einstein rubbing my feet while I bathe in salt from THE DEAD SEA?! Um ... Why must I be subjected to letters like this?!?! I can't get past the Einstein thing ...

'Well? Did you pass?'

'Insurance?'

"Of course your dad loves the roller-skates you got him. He just went through the door with them."

"Same here. It's my first time too."

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

"His first day as campus police and he just saw too many kids with backpacks and electronic devices in their hands."

"I'm the good cop, Ted's the bad cop, so I guess that makes you the cop who gets everyone coffee!"

"Hi I'm Trevor, I'm new here!"

"This will be your office for now."

"What do we think Sarge, suicide?"

"Because, Malcolm, you haven't earned your stripes."

'You must be new on the force.'

'I'm sorry I shot you for jaywalking, sir, but this is my first day on the job.'

Thank you for not flying into a rage and pummeling the ref!!

"Don't worry, the first 20 years in this department are the hardest."