Rooftop Humorists Gifts

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

'Hey Dad, Mom's got a new hobby...still life painting...er, Dad?'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Gangsta wrap.

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Hipster Police Department

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Newton discovers surrealism

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Business acquaintances on holiday

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

The Chippendales go through airport security.