Rooftop Humorists Gifts

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"My guess it's guacamole."

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'I'm just here on a lay-over.'

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

Newton discovers surrealism

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

Business acquaintances on holiday