Roofing Mishap Humorist Pillows

Dave took his motto, 'Roofing done in one hour' seriously, even nailing shingles before plywood had been put down.

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'No it's still not fixed'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

High tide.

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

A Not So Grand Slam.

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"Okay. Hit it."

'How was my emergency stop?'

"And WHATEVER you do DON'T FALL DOWN THE STEPS or put your finger in the ELECTRICITY socket."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Cotton candy

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'You called a plumber!'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

Luck

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'It doesn't work...'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"You're moving in with us? We were going to move in with you."

"And hold the mayo."

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'

"Well done!"

"You know a lot about global warming. When will we be able to swim up central park west?"

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'