Roof Repair Fanatics Gifts

"See, Jimmy? If they give a big tax cut to the wealthy, those guys'll feel good and have us come fix their roof and stuff."

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Tool Box

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

Timber preservation

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

"Have you tried turning it on and off again..?"

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

Bob’s Museum

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"Was it a fuse?"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Your car's ready, but drive carefully for awhile. I had to give the student an 'F' for the work he did on it.'

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'I think I found the problem.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

Organized chaos.

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

'Any day now I'll fix the roof.'

Umbrella Roof

"It's a great Fixer-Upper and this is Ken, single, available and a pretty decent handyman."