Roof Repair Realist Gifts

"Huh? What patch didn't take?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'Rats, I don't think we'll ever get this thing going: It's flooded again...'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

Lazy plumber.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Bob’s Museum

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"Lady... I gotta work order to fix a leaky roof."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

The Fuse

"Do you really know what you're doing, or do you Google-search know?"

Bathroom flooding (man holding tap).

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'That'll be $50 plus $200 to repair the damage you made trying to fix it yourself.'

"What makes you think I doubt your abilities?"

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

Umbrella Roof

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

Bathing and Showering.

Man who hits finger and screams for help has his mouth bound up instead of his finger by unsympathetic wife.

'Come back, I haven't explained how the fan extractor works.'

An EskimoInuit gluing back a piece of broken Igloo with some special glue for Igloos

"It's the stock brokerage company again. Some of their investment picks have gone through the roof again."

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.