Romantic Pragmatist Pillows

Pre-nuptial Agreement: 'Hang on, I'll carry you over the threshold next.'

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

The tunnel of ulterior motives

'I might be more receptive to your marriage, proposal, Bob, if you didn't refer to it as a takeover bid.'

'I'm sorry, Walter, but marriage doesn't have portable benefits.'

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Drive-thru Church

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

Mergers or acquisitions.

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

"We need to talk. Here - it's all in this 342-slide power point."

Two minds but with a single thought.

'Never mind that you could have bought Microsoft years ago - I could have married Bill Gates,'

"But gosh, Ursula, together we'd be exactly what every major advertiser is trying to reach."

'You're in luck - My parents like you.'

The Return of Tannhauser to Venusberg

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'What does the Scout manual say about this situation?'

'I'm thinking merger.'

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Few people know that right after Tennyson said that, his girlfriend hit him over the head with a bowling pin.

Put it in writing!

'I hate to rush you, but I'm getting a leg cramp.'

"Tonight we'll make love in the shadows of the great pyramids."