Romantic Rationalist Pillows

"I'll pay you $10 if you tell people I was a good date."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

Scientists are sexy

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

Dating an English Major

Reginald Bunthorne

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

When two philosophers date. So

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

A Zircon Is Forever

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"My computer just texted me."

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

Unconditional Loveseat