Romantic Theorist Pillows

'That's very sweet of you, Professor Grossmertz, but love is only a theory.'

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

Life is for the birds.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Carbon Dating.

Reginald Bunthorne

Dating an English Major

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

When two philosophers date. So

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"I know what you're thinking - all I am to you is a vector."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

"I love the equation that describes the slope of your nose."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

Romans.

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Wine? Okay. I really don't care what you call it; let's invite over the two sisters from the cave next door.'

The Inn Keeper's Wife and Daughter taking care of the Don after being beaten and bruised.

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

'Young Love'

"The best place to make black hole discoveries is in the bedroom."

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Well, at first I didn't like him. But then his creepiness just grew on me."

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

Lance, do I make you want to be a better man? Let me put it this way, Gloria: you definitely make me want to SEEM to be a better man.

'Stop quoting from films and get on with it.'

Two minds but with a single thought.